upside down journey

the journey home was an interesting one. one for which i had certain pre-conceptions based on prior experiences with the airline (and long journeys back to scotland.)

i presumed i would have reasonable amounts of legroom, great food, customer service that would leave a little to be desired but that i'd be in a chemically induced coma most of the way so it wouldn't matter.

the legroom was good, food left a little to be desired and the sleeping tablets just made me groggy. the customer service, however, left me a little lost for words.

so i arrived at jfk, bee-lining for the self checkout machines where i was met by an older gentleman (we'll call him pierre.) he threw me off kilter as soon as he greeted me. no hello, just - wow, what a beautiful smile!

(nb. i always smile at people in airports - one; because i love airports, and two; because i apparently smile a lot anyway without realising it.)

needless to say, i was a little shocked. he wasn't being sleazy, but i didn't know what to say to that. instead of voicing the incredulity from my head, i decided to be gracious and say thanks. i was a little flattered.

so i'll fast forward through being fast tracked through check in (compliments of the broken check-in machine and pierre) and the lady at check in being ridiculously helpful, past the banter with the uncharacteristically cheerful security guards, to the gate waiting area.

enter pierre. he was doing a pre-boarding check of hand luggage and recognised me. ah, smiley! my handluggage was pushing the limits (which i knew) and it normally wouldn't have been an issue, but it was a very full flight so strictness ensued. pierre instructed me to go see him after the boarding passes were checked. so i did.

lo and behold, it was too big and would have to go in the hold for the duration. (pierre is very apologetic, i made it clear i understood, it'sa risk of flyin one must accept.) as someone who had planned for any eventuality, i was totally prepared. laptop, hardrives, photography equipment, all were specifically packed so that if by some freak coincidence (like today) something should go wrong,they could be easily carried separately, without holding up the entire flight, and wouldn't have to go in the hold. these things happen and i couldn't risk the damage.

as i'm extracting the padded shell with photography equipment in it, pierre stops me. you're a photographer? i say yes to which he replies 'no, no, no, this will not do, i understand, that cannot go in the hold' (which it wasn't going to,but i wasn't about to explain my master plan b) 'i have so much respect for your profession, just take it all on.'

i was stunned. what do you say? that never happens! and he stuck a sticker on it so that the boarding people on the next flight wouldn't question me. how cool is that!?

best customer service ever!

so i get to paris. i'm the walking dead. find a place selling proper put-hairs-on-your-chest european coffee (so good) find a quiet wee comfy seated area in the airport and (along with about five other people dotted around the quiet airport with the same idea) have a wee nap. (so good)

i get onto the bus to take us to our plane (a group of middle aged male oilworkers and me) when the guy standing next to me states that aberdeen airport has been closed and there are severe weather warnings over the city. bum.

it was such a british moment, something i hadn't seen in months. at this announcement a dialogue began (partly from me, in shock asking all then when where how questions - images of being stuck on a bus from glasgow with these guys adding another half a day to the journey) amongst the people on the bus. it continued all the way onto the plane, mostly with this one guy, spurring us on (in a very british tongue in cheek way) with 'remember, no negative thoughts on this plane! think positive!'

apparently, we were the only ones aware of the fact that the airport had closed as we took off with not a mention from the pilot of landing elsewhere. i slept most of the way, but the view was stunning. the air was so cloud free that all you could see was a sea of white covering the country. hills and fields,then mountains, black green lines illustrated onto the clean canvas.

then all of a sudden, aberdeen and clouds. we were one of the first planes to land there after the place had been shut to let ploughs and gritters clear the runways that were thick with snow.

on booking the journey i had tried to avoid heathrow (i always get delayed there) and alas it turned out to my advantage. most flights from london were being cancelled.

i arrived, met my dad and went (the journey taking four times as long as usual because of the snow induced traffic mayhem) back to my folks house for the week.

i miss new york but it was nice to be back.

one man show

so tonight i went to a one man show at the cinema.

when roger mentioned a few months back that he was going to hire out the theatre for the night and put on a one man show i thought he was joking. lo and behold, i was wrong.

named 'where's the fat guy?' the premise was a motivational evening from a guy who (after losing 133lbs later on in life) knows how hard it is to change a lifestyle for the better in a lighthearted humourous way. an extention of sorts of the usual talks he gives as a weight watcher leader several times a week.

being that he's a pretty good auritor, i knew it would be worth the go see. lo an behold, i was right.

a fun filled evening was had by all. i did the photography thing (as per usual) for the duration so got a good view of a fairly filled theatre who, laughed (and cried a little) ultimately leaving motivated for whatever, be that weightloss or otherwise.

i have so much respect for roger. he has faith (in more than just god) and isn't afraid to take a crazy step every-so-often, despite the potential for failure. more often than not, some really cool stuff happens as a result.

thoughts

A friend of mine sent me an email today and in it was the line:
“We don’t know where we’re going, but we’re on our way”

Two weeks today I'll be leaving here to go back to Scotland. I'm in the process of job hunting (fun in this economy) and have no clue what I'm going to do when I'm back there.

I have a couple of exhibitions coming up in the next few months, a bunch of weddings to attend, and friends to catch up with (including a couple of new arrivals that I'm very excited to meet). Other than that, I'm clueless. Although completely open to anything as a result.

There's one thing for sure, the person who's going back is not quite the one who left. The last six months have given the opportunity to step back a bit from the life I was leading, take note of the things that matter, and be slightly more objective about what I want.

One of my pet peeves is an idea that gets thrown around a lot at the moment - 'I need to take time out to find myself.'

I think what people really mean is that the concrete comfortable mold that they had put themselves in has been shaken and they want to try and re-build it. The idea that we belong in measurable molds is one that is, in my opinion flawed. An idea stemming back to Plato(amongst others) and his quest for rationalisation of existence that inevitably lead to the compartmentalising of the functions of society, creating the idea that 'identity' is something that can be defined and held onto. In my opinion (and I'm sure many would disagree with me) identity is a far more holistic thing, as simultaneously fluid and solid as the elements that make up our world around us and our perception thereof.

I don't think we can ever 'find' ourselves because we were never lost. We just are. In a continual state of change (although sometimes more obvious than others) depending on the things around us by which we measure ourselves against. (ie he's short, therefore, I am tall. to put it simply.)

All of this, of course is just conjecture, but it's mine nonetheless. Perhaps however, we forget to breathe. We forget to pause and reflect, steaming on through all the changes, regardless of the affect they are having on you, leaving you a little confused as to how you reached the point you got to.

This is where I was when I got here. Not lost. Just in need of a reminder to breathe.

The people I have met here have taught me to breathe. Not so much by looking at myself, but by helping those around me who need to breathe more than i do. They taught through the lives they lead; selfless and caring, looking at the bigger picture that keeps on painting, despite us.

I'm in no rush to leave these people, but unfortunately have little say in the matter at the moment. And onto what, I have no idea.
But I'm on my way.

it's all cricket to me

every week, on the way home from the soup kitchen, the conversion of choice in the car generally revolves around cricket. despite growing up with a dad that loved the sport, i never got it. it is, however, a good opportunity to admire the view out the window.

yesterday, however, the tables were turned a little. a couple of students from the new york film academy were out for the weekend and, since they arrived just before we headed out to see the guys, they came with us. we got talking and i ended up having a discussion about installation art, turned out that the girl who found it's relation to reality and perception in modern culture just as fascinating as i do. everyone else in the car however, was lost at the word installation.

normally i probably would have toned down the conversation so as to not let others feel left out, however, it's the first time in ages that i've met someone who knows what installation art is, never mind having an opinion on it. so i didn't care. and had the first conversation about art that i've had in a long time that i could really get my teeth into. i loved it.

to err is human, to err on the side of caution is often, un-necessary.

i need a job

today i've been wondering about tea. (amongst other things)

it was late this afternoon after a morning out with the girls from the pantry (getting into trouble for lack of risk in clothing choices) and i was chilling out with a cup of tea at the kitchen table.

big mug. mid strength. no milk. no sugar.

daydreaming into the cup, watching it cool, it reflected the light from the ceiling fan. like a water reflection? not quite. was it water anymore? or was the water to the tea what oxygen is to water?

once the molecules attach themselves to the point where they can't be detached without changing the status of the water, by evaporation or some other process, does that change the thing? or is it just the thing + tea?

im not sure how long i pondered all the arguments for either side to myself, but by the time i'd done staring at it, tilting it, examining the steam, my tea was a little cold.

but this got me thinking. do external factors in life, whose influence or affect cannot be extracted without changing your status of existence, by death or some other process, does that change who we are? does it make us us + said external factor or affect?

some things can change the way you interact with the world, like a change in cultural perspective. but what about the littler things? an interaction with a shop assistant? an incidental email from a friend? an accidental half hour extra in bed? do these things brew in us as much as the things dunked in a bag? or do they attach themselves as separate entities that we have a certain control over; the option to discard?

i think tea might be a very underrated thing. it's essentially three basic elements combined (a mug. a tea bag. some water.) but its apparent simplicity is hiding an underlying cornucopia of complicated relationships that you could spend a lifetime contemplating.

a lifetime purpose as valid as that spent inspecting the wonder of belly buttons.

quiet pantry

this morning the food pantry was freezing. (i'm still trying to warm up)

it wasn't so much the heat as it was the lack of people. there must have only been around twenty families served thismorning which meant that we weren't running around like normal, keeping ourselves warmed up.

i don't know where they've gone. perhaps the holidays brought stuff in for some of them, either way. to be honest i think it was a good thing this week as supplies were very low.

afterwards i went out for lunch and a yap with a couple of the girls i've got to know really well over the last few months. apart from some mild lets-set-becky-up style scheming (i've learned to ignore it, but i felt sorry for the poor waiter) we had a really good time. i love them a lot and it was great to hang out somewhere other than the food pantry.

the thing is that there aren't that many people out there who get that it's not something you have to do, it's something that you want to do. it could just as easily be one of us who needs the help. so it's really nice sometimes to just chill out (talking nothing of sense or depth) with some folks that know where you're coming from.

the day i couldn't use a camera

sometimes photos are for keeping hold of things we want to remember.
people, places, laminated, sealed, held in place for later reminiscence.

i took a lot of photos in new orleans, there was so much to take in that i used photography as a tool to aid in processing what i was seeing. for the most part, due to disbelief.

but it's a funny thing. the one part that i didn't photograph is the part that sealed itself most in my memory. (i was told i'd be attacked for it so i thought it best to listen)

it was a thursday evening when we went to visit 'the wall'. the sun had set as we drew up to a dark gravel car park, flanked along one side by a large wall.

at first we thought we must be early, nobody was there. but as our eyes adjusted we began to notice a dark mass moving a little way along. approaching the mass gained definition, revealing hundreds of homeless people gathered around a small band of people serving hot meals.

i was a little scared, i think we all were, the sheer number of people surrounding us was forboding. but we were there to help so we shook off the intimidation and got on with it.

i joined in with the group of serving people, handing out bottles of water to folks to give me time to take in what i was seeing. as i watched and talked to people a sudden realisation took me aback.

the people in the queues could have been my friends. one; the image of an old friend from school; another; my brother.
some were younger than me but most were about the same age.
all misfits looking for their place.

the homeless folks i see regularly are predominantly middle aged, drawing comparisons with parents or grandparents. but it's very different when you can completely empathise with.

one girl in particular i'll never forget.

i left the servers and (with a friend) went to sit with a girl i'd noticed in the line, thin, made seventeen, on the muddy gravel by the wall, she sat. i sat with her and we just chatted for a while.

the conversation doesn't matter, but it will stick with me for my lifetime. her face, i didn't photograph, but it told a thousand stories, burned into my memory, is what i see when i think of that evening. the girl who i knew, but didn't.

her leaving words were 'keep spreading the love.'

all i did was talk to her, gave her a little hug, but to her it meant much more.

photography is a great tool for recording things, but the experience of life is often far more powerful than the capturing of it.

for that there is no justice a camera can do.

The Wall

sees of faces
somewhere, mass along
wet muck, gravel

deep water churning torrents
drowning in getting closer
sees of faces

feet keep walking blind
into the heart they go
watching muck and gravel

lines and faces
forming, merging watching waves
outlines now surround us

see the faces
one, another
line up one, back up the next

dark I watch
see the faces
i've known your face

I know your face
wade into shallows
kneel in the dirt

sees faces
holding shadows
waiting silhouettes

waves in currents
all along
the wall

happy new year

so last night i went to a hogmany (new years eve in these parts) party with some friends.

it was a little quieter than in past years, a few families getting together for a suburban soirie.

it was good fun, the people were lovely and it was nice to have a more civilised hogmany.

(maybe it was just that i had a weird family, but i did find it a little strange that the kids and adults were in seperate rooms for the duration)

so happy new year!

(i'd say i hope this one's slightly more sane, after the rollercoaster that was last year, but then where would be the fun in that?! yes there were mental lows but there were also some pretty funky highs! therein lies the amazingness of life)

new years resolution: use parenthesis less

christmas day

so Christmas (yes it's all just a big chronological mess, but it's almost the end of the year so it's all got to go before it's out!)

it was awesome!

i thought i might feel a bit homesick but i really didn't.
the reason: i was with people that i really love anyway.

it started with a big english breakfast (with food brought from england by roger's sister) and was a bit of a food frenzy for the next 48hours.

after breakfast we opened presents (i was totally surprised by the generosity of people)

jace was there (he's eight) so it was awesome. he got so excited, dancing around while the presents were being opened, and it meant that we played with his presents pretty much till lunch. (yay for wii fit snowboarding! i might spend most of my time on my ass when boarding in snow, but with the wii i kinda kicked it! so much fun!)

the main meal was lovely, totally cooked by roger (he wouldnt let the rest of us near the kitchen) we just chilled out and did the whole cracker, christmas hat thing before evening games.

it was a very good day.

all but one thing. it rained all night so i woke up to the most non-white day we'd had in days! the snow was gone!

what would you do if...?

what would you do if you had the option to choice the 'if...'?

what would you do if you couldn't think of anything you could do if?

it's hogmany.

it's the end of the year.

it's 1430 and im still in my pjs.

it's snowing outside.

it's time to think about the possibility of maybe moving.

the quota for belly button contemplation is full for the year.

what would you do if it was another year tomorrow?

well anything more than i've done today would be a start.

happy new year!

prelude to christmas day

Growing up, my brother and I had an advent calendar. A big christmas tree hung on the wall that my mum had made for us from green material with red and gold numbered pockets of different textures. And of course, i big gold star pocket on top for the last day.

We would split the numbers, one person got odds, the other evens and we'd switch every year (to determine who got the gold star.)

When we were small, a sweet would be waiting in the pockets, but as we got older (and more mischevious, unable not to peak) things got a little more interesting. Each morning we would find a piece of paper sticking out of our pocket, on which would be written a clue. We had until the end of the day (often with some help) to decifer the clue to find a gift hidden somewhere in our house. The were never big, just silly things that my parents had found for us (and a couple of sweets thrown in for good measure) but it was always a lot of fun and was probably the part of Christmas we looked forward to the most. (especially when you figured out the other person's clue before them...)

So when i left for uni i presumed this would end (since i wasn't in the house to find things anymore) but my brother was scandalised and so next i knew i had a pile of pre-parceled, numbered, wee gifts, this time with clues relating to what was inside. When my brother left, the same happened to him (to the cheerful amusement of both our flatmates, and since it had always been a bit of a group game, mine were generally roped into the whole thing with me.)

So when i left for new york i presumed this would end (since i'm not in the country anymore) but (and i can't blame my brother this time) about a month ago a parcel arrived for me, inside which was a load of odd numbered, pre-clued little parcels and a note with instructions. It was a lovely little reminder of family and friends and most of the gifts or clues were fairly personal (not in a sappy way, my parents don't really do schmultz, more like references to black adder quotes i used to use too much, or three marshmallows (a little stale) my dad had wrapped in cling film to go with some individual hot chocolate) it was lovely.

Today I opened my last parcel and it was awesome! New Scientist magazine and marks and spencers knickers! neither of which there's really an american substitute for, and both of which i love.

I'm guessing this year will probably be the last for the calendar (although i have been wrong about that a few times before) but it's a tradition that has served us well, and i'll be glad to pass on if i ever have kids.

christmas eve

tis the night before christmas
she thought with a pause

'im in new york,
for the season with Clause!'

specials on tv
kids bouncing off walls

food stuffed in till up-chuck
and homeward bound calls...

nb: apparently 'the night before Christmas' is the most parodied poem ever written, i stumbled across a couple that made me laugh a little more than i should probably admit...

'An Ernest Hemingway Christmas' - It was the night before Christmas. The house was very quiet. No creatures were stirring in the house. There weren't even any mice stirring...

'An Intellectuals Christmas' - 'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the annual Yuletide celebration, and throughout our place of residence,
kinetic activity was not in evidence among the possessors of this potential, including that species of domestic rodent known as Mus musculus...

Anyway, back to the point.

It just occurred to me yesterday, while walking round the city checking out shop displays and Christmas decorations, that I'm spending Christmas in New York this year. How cool is that?!

The city was fantastic full of last minute shoppers, kids in insane queues for the Rockefeller ice rink, the Macy's 'miracle on 34th st' window displays and a light show at grand central station that we happened upon by chance. every romantic seasonal stereotype was there so for once i decided to join a friend in being a tourist, walking for miles to soak in the sights.

It was awesome!

Today is Christmas eve and Jace was round for the afternoon. He's eight, and bouncing off the walls with excitement for tomorrow. Roger prepared dinner for tomorrow and the rest of us (since we weren't allowed to help) played board games and did last minute things of our own to get ready for tomorrow. And then there was the eating. mince pies and British chocolate (taken over by Roger's sister for the holiday) oh i might explode but it was good.

It's only 6weeks till i leave here, i can't believe it, and Christmas is weird being away from family, but it made me realise how soon that is. it feels like i just got here a few weeks ago.

it's a real white new york Christmas. ace!

a real Christmas

today was another fantastic day!

i was talking to someone today who made a very good point. if the news was our only sorce of information about the reality of the world we live in, it would be pretty dire. it only ever seems to show all the bad stuff.

of which there is a lot.

but there is also an awful lot of good in the world. there are a lot of good people out there and a lot of very generous people.

i helped to organise Christmas presents for the guys we go see on the mobile soup kitchen and was staggered by the amount of generosity i saw. people who showed what Christmas is really about. even though financially people are feeling a strain here, they still gave to those who are less fortunate than themselves.

everybody on our list got a personalised gift bag full of winter supplies and ontop of that, people brought in about the same amount again in extras, just incase anyone was missed out.

it wasn't until i was pulling it all together this week that i realised just how much stuff had been donated.

so today we got to do the fun part!

the snow's really bad and the temperature was low, but it's days like this that motivate you to go out even more than sunny ones, realising that people live outside in this. (and feeling a little guilt at struggling to feel my toes despite several layers ontop of thermals.)

i had the job of finding and organising gift bags (since i pretty much recognised the bags and names by heart by this point) out of the side of the van and to say that people were thankful was an understatement.

i felt like santa clause (although didn't like that i was being thanked for what other people had done, i'd only organised it) people couldn't believe that they were getting presents and were, even if for a second, like wide-eyed innocent children.

i got to talk to almost everyone today, and i loved that we knew each other by this point (a lot of them joking with me about the fact that i didn't have a camera today - i had to have free hands for climbing into vans sorting presents.) a couple of the older guys who i have a particular soft spot for gave me a hug and were speachless, tears in their eyes.

two people in particular really struck me, encompassing the entirity of the feedback we got.

the first was a homeless lady who on recieving her bag said how that was the only present she would get this Christmas. she's litterally on her own.

the other was a man at the last stop we visit. he's a kind gentle guy who will have a laugh with you but doesn't like to impose himself. he took the bag, thanked us and then left.
a few minutes later he runs out possing all over the place and exclaiming how great he looks in his fantastic new jumper. he couldn't believe that he's got something so great.

to me it was a just a jumper. to him it was so much more.

i had such a great time today! in theory it was hard work, and it took my toes a good hour to get the feeling back, but it really didn't matter a bit cos this is exactly what christmas is all about. cos this is exactly what jesus was born for.

snow!

today was fantastic.

first of all it snowed!

white, clean, powdery, big snowflakes

i think (other than in the mountains) that was the most snow i've ever seen! it was really cool. we got around 6inches of snowfall today and are scheduled for more over the weekend and some seriously cold temperatures through the week.

it did have a downside though.

other than the obvious implications for any of the homeless folks we'll be goin to see tomorrow, driving was more than a little interesting.

we were on a mini mission today, and it was too important to stay off the road, but the van skidded on more than one ocassion on the way.

our mission was a pretty cool one, although i didn't quite realise how much till we got to our location. we went to pick up some toys for the kids of families at our pantry from this guy who's donated toys for the last few years.

so we turn up at this office block type thing and go into a room full of guys wrapping toys, with tables up the side of the room covered in toys, split into age groups.

it looked like what i thought was stereotypical non-profit organisation headquaters. then the boss guy came looking like a very well-to-do lawyer. not stereotypical for the setting.
neither were the toys. taking a closer look when he told us to take whatever we needed i realised these were not small, stocking filler type toys, they were big things. quality baby dolls and remote control dinosaurs type toys.

i later found out that the boss guy is actually an attorney who runs this every year, getting donations (although from what i can gather he does most of it himself) of toys and giving them to people who need them. and from what i gathered he goes above and beyond for families in need in the area appart from toys once a year.

the guy seemed a bit stressed out (not surprising when i realised that he's organising all this ontop of all his normal work) but what struck me was how geniunely giving this guy was. just as we were leaving he handed us extra bags, that he'd personally saved for us, of clothes and gloves and stuff.

it was awesome, but more than a little surreal. i was totally overwhelmed knowing how much these toys will be appreciated, and that people like that exist.

you can't make this stuff up.

sometimes it feels like i live in a movie or something cos the people i meet and places i go and things i get to experience never fail to surprise me. (and you guys don't get the half of it!)

i love Christmas! and i can't wait to go see the guys tomorrow and pass on the gifts folks brought in for them!

and i love snow!

a few days till christmas

it's the run up to christmas and it's all just a bit strange.

christmas for the last few years has felt a bit strange, a mixture of being aware of post new year uni deadlines and then last year when we all changed venue and spent it with family in three different locations.

this year im away from family altogether which is weird, well, blood related family anyway. i'll miss them, but i'm with my second family here so i still feel at home. i've always maintained that the people i'm staying with are like second parents to me, and the last few months with them have made them mean even more to me so (other than with my first parents) i can't think of a better place to be at christmas. (and then of course there's the extended family of the people in the church i go to that decided to unofficially adopt me...)

there's a lot more light here. moer light through the day. we havn't had a single misrable cold grey day on the run up to christmas yet. it's just not right!

Christmas was always the big shiny red and warm day in the middle of the crap that is a northern hemisphere wet winter. (which we'd inevitabley get dragged out in carol singing at some hospital or housing estate to spread some cheer while freezing our giblets...)

instead, this year it's a shiny warm day in the middle of lots of crisp blue days with twinkly nights. (not the stars since you can't really see them here, but the emense amount of ornamentation on the houses in the area it's so insane that it's kinda cool. there's even one house by me that has it's own radio station, when you tune into it the lights are all timed so as to give you a show along with the music.)

all in all, Christmas is a very different experience this year. not worse, or better, just different.

Cinema

Cinemas have always fascinated me.

The last time I went to the cinema I couldn't for the life of me concentrate (John Travolta as a dog with identity issues, funnily enough, wasn't quite enough to stop my mind from wandering that night... although the hamster had it's moments.)

I spent a lot of the time considering 'non-disbelief.'

Before you can enjoy fully, a movie (or any story for that matter) it has to bring the viewer, listener, whatever-er, to a point where they are entering into it in some way. It's the point when you stop being aware of the protagonist (or the aparatus being used as one) and think only of the story being told.

It's something that I find fascinating. A similar thing happens when you are in the process of remembering something. You become simultaniously at two places at the same time; vaguely unaware of your surroundings while you put yourself back in the time, place, etc that you are recolecting.

It's pretty cool that humans can do that, but the film in question got me thinking about the other side of that.

The dog had been lead to believe that he was the charater in a tv series, (truman show-esque scenario) but then a chain of events leads to him being released into the real world and suddenly he doesn't know what's hit him.

So what if our society has reached the point, or dangerously close to, that all those authors like Ray Bradbury were warning us about, or even earlier, Plato and his cave?

Society perpetuating non-disbelief to the point that we begin to loose the ability to step back and be aware of the reminants of popcorn sticking to our feet?

Has media become such a mainstay in contemporary culture that we run the risk of seeing things as they actually are?

Yesterday I went with some friends to check out a new cinema that has opened as a possible second site for the church and it was truly weird to be shown around, taking photos of theatres etc. but nevertheless really cool. (esp when he gave us a tester of their brand new imax theatre.)

But it got me thinking again about the phenominon of cinema and wondering again about that old lenon (i think) statement that it's 'the opiot of the masses.' I don't think it's true for cinema parsay but he might have a point when society looks to the media for it's grasp on reality.

picture copout

Today I opened an email that made me laugh (well actually i got three that made me laugh but that's beside the point.)

"Dear Beckie are you dead. If you are don't bother to reply to this e-mail as I know that it might be inconvenient."

(my granpa has a very Scottish sense of humour)

A lot has happened in the last little while and I'm not sure where to start, so instead I'm going to follow the old adage 'a picture paints a thousand words' and use some photos instead.



Spent a cold thanksgiving morning in the city.



Went out through the Hamptons to the end of the island with some friends where the shore looks just like where i grew up...



... except for the wildlife.



Was blown away by the generosity of Christmas gifts that folks have given for our homeless guys.



Found a card (I never thought that actually happened.)



Did some baking with a friend.



Attended a massive gingerbread house making party. And got a little carried away with my house... it even had a coal pile out the back.



Saw the first snow of the season on a rather early sunday morning. The other guy who stays here at weekends had never seen snow. How cool!



Had a great time meeting up with the New Orleans team yesterday for a look over photos etc. Great company and great food. I got insight into why Clemenza tells Rocco to 'Leave the gun. Take the cannoli.' There are a tonne of Italians on Long Island, and they brought their food with them. So when someone brought freshly made cannoli from the best bakery on Long Island (apparently) I had to try one.
There is but one word... mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!

New Orleans

Alright, so I didn't make it onto the show, for some reason they wanted to focus on the heroes...

Watching the show was a very surreal experience. I became very aware of how normal everyone was, from the celebrities, to the heroes, everyone there was a normal person who the media tries to paint as a demi-god.

If they're demi-gods then why honour their work? But they're normal, down to earth, people.

Liz McCartney (the one who won) is a phenomenal person. Her and her boyfriend/ co-founder were two of the most inspirational people I've met. Not because they're great orators, or overly charismatic, but because they're normal.

We spent a week in New Orleans working alongside the couple and their organisation, and honestly, I think it was one of the most bizarrely overwhelming experiences of my life. The contrast between the lively culture of downtown New Orleans, and the desolation of the areas we were helping rebuild was phenominal.

House after shell of a house, person after person, desperate for some grasp on why, three years later, they still hadn't seen any of the help that they presumed their country would give them.

The resounding shadow of disbelief hung in the air, mingled with the smell of mildew and mold from the abandoned - how could this happen in America?

But in amongst all this there was hope. Like a small green shoot, fighting it's way through the ice. Small, but brutally determined. This generation has resigned to the fact that they will may never see 'home' in their lifetime, but they are determined, with the little they have left, that there is a future.

We worked on a house in a street of shells. There was nothing but residue. The whole block echoed a similar picture. But the house across the street had been rebuilt. A few children played quietly in the yard and the mother was expecting another. I couldn't imagine what it must be like to be a kid growing up on that street. It was silent. There were nothing lived there.

But this family had hope. They were one of the fortunate ones who had somehow made it out of a trailer. And they knew that however long it took there would be life here again.

When faced with all that (and there was a hellofa lot more that would turn this post into a novel) some of the team would cry on the trip from the site back to where we were staying, others would talk about what they'd seen, trying to process or find some rationalisation. I took photos and am still trying to figure it all out.

But Liz and Zach live eat and breathe helping people there. They didn't stop to figure it out, they saw a need and went to try and fix it. 'this is a solvable problem' was the statement they used and they were right, but for two people to have the faith to pack up their lives and start to find a way to solve it blows my mind.

They're amazing and truly deserved the award. The people of New Orleans deserve the award.

cnn heroes

so the lady (Liz McCartney) who's organisation we were working with to rebuild houses in new orleans (St. Bernard Project) won the cnn heroes award last night. the list of people was amazing, so any of them winning would have been phenominal, but i think it's pretty cool that it's someone i actually know who won!

i've set the tevo for it tonight. can't wait to see it (the fact that we were at the cnn pre-thing they did and may be on tv obviously has nothing to do with it... i'll let you know.)

she's an amazing woman and her and her partner more than deserve the award. the $100,000 will be put to amazing use i'm sure.