Be yourself

Yesterday I did something that I have avoided fervently since i got here. In fact, it's something that I avoid as a rule, not just here. But I'd had enough.

I had spent all day in Taipei yesterday with some Korean friends, and all day one of the guys kept reminding me at every opportune moment, how I should always spend my time with them and stay close to them so that they could protect me. I tried to ignore it passively but this encouraged him to go on saying to comment on how timid a personality I have, as if this would help his case. I, diplomatically, changed the conversation swiftly and tried to forget about it. I succeeded in avoiding too much contact for the most part (nevertheless, ever aware of protective glances) until it came time to catch the bus home. I endured the pushes in the right direction all through the MRT in silence (even though I had successfully negotiated them alone more than all of the group put together) but then we came to cross the road. One of the guys took me aside; 'you must always keep me in sight, right by me. You must stay with me.' I snapped. I went off on a total rant (including hand signals) about how he should never tell me what to do again, did he think i was a child, and how i first travelled to another country alone when i was sixteen, and then went back to never tell me what i should or shouldn't do etc. etc. I didn't really notice that he had stopped dead in his tracks with a look of shock on his face till i had finished. He said sorry and then inevitably i felt like an idiot. So i apologised if i had hurt his feelings, to which he smiled, completely unperturbed by the whole thing and just said (with a laugh that seemed to be more impressed than anything else) 'whatever you want is fine, it is my pleasure to help.' What a guilt tripper line.

I had been so afraid of insulting someone, or being misunderstood, that I just let it go on. If a guy in Scotland kept ordering me around I wouldn't have let it last more than a few sentences, but here I tolerated it for more than a month. The result: a verbal, volcanic eruption.

My lesson is learned. Being 'true to yourself' is for more than just your own good. The thing is, I ended up the looking bigger fool for it in the end, they seemed more pleased that I had stood up for myself than anything.