thoughts

A friend of mine sent me an email today and in it was the line:
“We don’t know where we’re going, but we’re on our way”

Two weeks today I'll be leaving here to go back to Scotland. I'm in the process of job hunting (fun in this economy) and have no clue what I'm going to do when I'm back there.

I have a couple of exhibitions coming up in the next few months, a bunch of weddings to attend, and friends to catch up with (including a couple of new arrivals that I'm very excited to meet). Other than that, I'm clueless. Although completely open to anything as a result.

There's one thing for sure, the person who's going back is not quite the one who left. The last six months have given the opportunity to step back a bit from the life I was leading, take note of the things that matter, and be slightly more objective about what I want.

One of my pet peeves is an idea that gets thrown around a lot at the moment - 'I need to take time out to find myself.'

I think what people really mean is that the concrete comfortable mold that they had put themselves in has been shaken and they want to try and re-build it. The idea that we belong in measurable molds is one that is, in my opinion flawed. An idea stemming back to Plato(amongst others) and his quest for rationalisation of existence that inevitably lead to the compartmentalising of the functions of society, creating the idea that 'identity' is something that can be defined and held onto. In my opinion (and I'm sure many would disagree with me) identity is a far more holistic thing, as simultaneously fluid and solid as the elements that make up our world around us and our perception thereof.

I don't think we can ever 'find' ourselves because we were never lost. We just are. In a continual state of change (although sometimes more obvious than others) depending on the things around us by which we measure ourselves against. (ie he's short, therefore, I am tall. to put it simply.)

All of this, of course is just conjecture, but it's mine nonetheless. Perhaps however, we forget to breathe. We forget to pause and reflect, steaming on through all the changes, regardless of the affect they are having on you, leaving you a little confused as to how you reached the point you got to.

This is where I was when I got here. Not lost. Just in need of a reminder to breathe.

The people I have met here have taught me to breathe. Not so much by looking at myself, but by helping those around me who need to breathe more than i do. They taught through the lives they lead; selfless and caring, looking at the bigger picture that keeps on painting, despite us.

I'm in no rush to leave these people, but unfortunately have little say in the matter at the moment. And onto what, I have no idea.
But I'm on my way.